When dinosaurs ruled the box office, Inside Out/Inside Win, people sadly Just Say “Nope” to Dope, Manglehorn gets mangled, and Other Box Office News.
Before we move on, a brief apology and correction. Last week, I reported that Jurassic World had scored the second-highest opening weekend of all-time at the domestic box office with $204 million. Well it turns out that we misreported those numbers and I would like to apologise for that. Jurassic World actually made $208 million and is, therefore, actually the highest grossing opening weekend of all-time domestically. The Avengers has, in fact, been dethroned. In my defence, I can only work from the estimates, since the actuals don’t come in until late-afternoon on a Monday and I have sh*t to do then, which is why these get written on a Sunday night.
Hence why I don’t want to make any definitive statements regarding Jurassic World’s box office performance this weekend, record-wise. Whatever happens, it is finishing in first place, but the box office records are what’s in contention. Currently, the film is sat on $102 million for its second weekend, which puts it almost exactly $1 million below The Avengers’ record-breaking second weekend, but the numbers are so close that, and since Universal under-estimated last weekend, there is every chance that Jurassic World’s actuals will push it higher than The Avengers after all. It’s already a pure and total unstoppable juggernaut that will pass $400 million domestic by lunchtime, so it’s not like this is much of a stretch. Just saying, if it does happen, you can’t say I got it wrong, cos I’m not definitively saying anything! So there!
What will be indisputable, unless some kind of catastrophic error causes 15 million bucks to mysteriously go missing between now and the actuals coming in, is the success of Inside Out, which now holds the record for the biggest domestic opening weekend ever for a non-sequel non-adaptation, taking the title from Avatar’s $77 million opening weekend back in December of 2009. I mean, technically one could argue that it does count as a sequel in the sense that it’s a part of the Pixar brand that might as well be a franchise unto itself by this point, but I’m just going to block that out and savour this Avatar-crushing moment. Aaaaaahhhh… that feels good.
Unfortunately, all this wantonly spent cashola had to skip out on one of the week’s releases, and that poor sod ended up being the Sundance hit Dope, which bravely launched on 2,000 screens but could only manage $6 million for fifth place because, well, it went up against Pixar and dinosaurs. I applaud the bravery of Open Road Films for putting a black film out there as an option for mainstream audiences, but they were never going to win this one. Similarly failing to lift off, albeit in limited release, was the new David Gordon Green film, Manglehorn. Even with Al Pacino apparently deciding to try this whole “acting” thing again to see what that was like, the film couldn’t really get butts in seats, possibly due to mediocre critic reviews, and it only made $13,000 from 3 screens. But, hey! This should hopefully not discourage Al Pacino’s decision to start acting again! Last thing we need is him crawling back to Adam Sandler.
Fun Fact: I have seen all of Jack & Jill but only one Alfred Hitchcock film in the 20 years I have lived. Why on earth do you people listen to what I have to say?
I don’t actually have any witty segway pun for this Full List, since I’m trying to stay dark on Inside Out. So, here’s the thing, then, I guess.
Box Office Results: Friday 19th June 2015 – Sunday 21st June 2015
1] Jurassic World
$102,019,000 / $398,230,000
I think I am the only one of my Internet friends – cos I don’t have real friends with the exception of Lucy (*cries profusely*) – who actually likes this, which is always a good thing to have happen when you’re constantly paranoid that what you do and feel is wrong and that you’re bad for doing and feeling those things. It’s especially more so in this case since, well, Jurassic World is actually a pretty terrible film, yet I like it anyway. I dunno, maybe I’ll someday get lucky and not be so self-conscious.
2] Inside Out
$91,056,000 / NEW
Staying as in-the-dark as possible until it drops here at the end of next month, since this and Minions have basically swapped places on the release calendar for the UK. I’m hoping that this will be as good as critics are saying… but critics also gave Monsters University a seal of quality and that was a massive disappointment, so Pixar are still on my Warning List for now.
And, yes, I am aware that a trailer has dropped for Kung Fu Panda 3. Don’t send me it. If I’m keeping myself in the dark for a film that I’m honestly not that excited for, then why do you think I would want to watch the trailer for a film that I am on tenterhooks for?
$10,500,000 / $74,374,000
So I feel like I’ve been acting a lot like Jason Statham in Spy whenever the subject of The Peanuts Movie is brought up for whatever reason. Just me constantly and unfairly going “They’re gonna f*ck it up,” over and over and over and over again, totally blind, thanks to my own prejudices, to the idea that Blue Sky Studios may not actually f*ck it up.
Folks, and I say this with no hyperbole and complete sincerity, Blue Sky Studios may not have f*cked this up.
4] San Andreas
$8,240,000 / $132,229,000
This might end up one of the highest grossing films of the year. It’s up to $414 million worldwide, after all. I, err, really did not see this one coming. OK, then. Maybe we’ll get lucky and an actually good disaster movie will come from this?
$6,018,000 / NEW
Doesn’t come out here until September 5th, despite looking like as much of a Summer movie as they come. Unless that was actually the plan all along and its UK distributor is taking advantage of the fact that our one nice week of Summer-like weather is going to come in September! That’s genius, and I also want to know the secret to their psychic and weather-controlling powers!
6] Insidious Chapter 3
$4,110,000 / $45,370,000
Oh, God, It Follows is due on home media next week! Guess I’m done putting it off and it’ll be time to watch a film that I know I will love but which will undoubtedly cause me to not sleep for at least three weeks afterwards! I hate being a wuss.
7] Pitch Perfect 2
$3,300,000 / $177,500,000
Pitch Perfect 3 is officially happening. I personally think that this is really stretching it, and I say that as a huge fan of the second instalment, but we’ll see when the film comes out, I guess. Besides, if they’re going to use this as an opportunity to correct the race problems that these films do have, then that’s alright by me.
I mean, they probably won’t, they’ll likely just do number 2 again, but I can hope, can’t I?
8] Mad Max: Fury Road
$2,815,000 / $143,602,000
…I’m out of things to say about this movie, by now. Or, at least, things to say in the tiny space that I get each week. Needless to say, I still doubt that anything will surpass it for my Film Of The Year, it’s amazing, and that’s that. So… yeah.
9] The Avengers: Age of Ultron
$2,723,000 / $451,039,000
Never did get to see this again, sadly, such is the life of somebody who is just terrible at time-management. Or, more specifically, realising how long stuff actually takes to do. Since I’ve written something close to 250 or-so articles of similar excessive length in the past two years, you’d think that I’d know how long it takes for me to write one of the damn things by now.
$2,009,000 / $87,696,000
Tomorrow! Tomorrow! This film might not suck, tomorrow! But it’s always a day away!
Dropped Out: Entourage (AND STAY THE FUCK OUT), Love & Mercy